My boys

I love kids! They are absolutely my heart and a I hope and pray that God opens another door one day soon so I can actually use my degree (Child and Family Development) and work with kids again. Here are some pictures from this week with my two favorite kids that I'm not related to (cause of course, Caleb's #1!). I used to keep Zach (the oldest one) when he was a baby while his mom worked. I kept him for almost a year and I feel like he's partially mine! I wish I had the joy of keeping Will too, but Mabel takes up all my time! lol Luckily, they stop by my office almost every week to see me cause Zach is in the Preschool program at Mabel twice a week. Zach is almost 4 and Will is going to be 1 in a few weeks. Zach just started taking Taekwondo a few weeks ago and I had the privelege of going to watch him today. He did such a great job!

Have a great Labor Day weekend! And GO EAGLES!!! :)

Lord, Empty Me

I've taken an unintentional break from writing here lately. Things have been crazy at work and after work! I'll write more later, but I keep hearing this song on the radio and it's really spoken to me. I've dealt a lot with very self centered people lately who have reminded me of how self centered I can be as well. I pray for humility and for God to give me a heart for other people and take me out of the equation. I want people to see my godliness and not self-centeredness. I can't do this alone! The gospel gives me strength to work through this!

Empty Me
by Chris Sligh

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing Compared to you.
So, I surrender all!

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

Oh, filled with you. Empty me.

Strange Saturday

I woke up this morning with the weirdest thoughts in my head. I didn't think today would be that strange, but these thoughts are consuming my brain. So, today, my ex boyfriend (who I dated all through college - 3 1/2 years) is getting married. I'll admit, that's just weird! ok, so we've been broken up for almost 3 years now, but still - I never thought he'd get married before me. I'm not jealous and I'm definitely not having regrets about the breakup or anything like that - it's really just a strange feeling. Anyways, I'll get over it. Life goes on!

Carol and I are throwing a bridal shower/party for a friend (her bf's sister) tonight, so that should be a lot of fun! I should be getting things ready for it now...

On another note - the price of the house I'm looking at was reduced on Friday!! I'm pretty sure I'll be putting an offer in next week :) Cross your fingers and say a prayer!

Blah Day

The past 24 hours have been real interesting to say the least. I had 2 conversations last night that I really wasn't prepared for. The first one totally caught me off guard and made me take a deeper look at myself and areas I need to improve in personally (which I thought I'd really worked on already!). The second convo was much more important to me, but after the first convo, my emotions were already high, so it didn't help much for the second. Basically, I boo hooed with one of my best friends on the phone for about 30 minutes last night, like the kind where you can't catch your breath. Yeah, that hasn't happened in a long time! But, I needed to talk to my friend for a while now and get things out in the open and after the sermon Sunday when Keith said to "Face your problems head on" yeah, that hit home! So, I'd been praying about it and trying to muster up the courage to talk to my friend and she ended up calling me yesterday instead. Things are definitley out in the open now, I just have a challenging decision to make in the next week or so. I know I'm being pretty vague with this, I'm just not quite ready to share all the details with everyone.

On a completely different random note...

If you don't want to hear about girly stuff - stop reading now!! :)

Most people that know me, know that I have had endometriosis for about 8 years or so now. If you don't know what that is, here's a synopsis...

Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus is also found elsewhere in the body, mainly in the abdominal cavity. The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain. The pain is often with menstruation, however a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain at other times during her monthly cycle. Another symptoms is infertility, and some women with endometriosis also experience severe fatigue. The only way to diagnose endometriosis for sure is during a laparoscopy, which is a surgical procedure. However, many physicians are able to "diagnose" endometriosis based on a woman's symptoms and start treatment on that basis. Is it curable? No. But it can be treated, and for many women it is possible to manage their symptoms through a combination of long term treatments.

I've already had 2 surgeries for it, first in '04 and second in '06. In the last surgery I had endo in 4 different areas (uterus, appendix, left ovary and cervix). The majority of my pain is right under my rib cages though, strange huh? After the second surgery, my doctor decided to put me on a GNRH antagonist (2 shots; 3 months apart) which made me go into early menopause for 6 months (Fall of '06). It definitely helped the pain, but unfortunately the pain has started to get worse again. I can usually control the pain with my diet. The main foods that cause pain are caffeine, chocolate, and acidic foods, especially pineapple. So, pray that I don't have to have another surgery anytime soon. I really don't want to go through all that again if I don't have to.

I went to the doctor 6 months ago for my annual check up and the pap smear came back abnormal, so they had to do a repeat one today. Hopefully it wasn't anything of concern, but it was my first abnormal smear, so it caused a bit of anxiety. So, having to deal with that on top of everything last night just made for a blah day. I'm so ready for the weekend!

I want the truth!

So, I was talking to a co-worker today about the heat this summer and I made mention of how it keeps getting hotter and hotter as the years progress and made a claim to global warming. Well, she says "you don't really believe in that, do you??" I was in shock - I never knew there was any controversy over it. In a stunned moment, I said, "well, yeah...Why wouldn't I?" and she said, something to the effect of it being a democratic belief. What in the world?!?! I thought it was like a given fact that global warming is a real thing - kinda like the earth is round. I did a little research, not much, but the only controversy I see is whether or not it's man made or natural. I'm just curious what other people know about this, and what I need to know and research! I want to know the facts. Man, it's like when I started going to NCCd and realized that the majority of the things we grew up "doing" in church weren't biblically sound, but only done because of tradition and we didn't know any different. Well, I want to know different! What else have I learned growing up that is in question?

Pics from Family Vacation

The waves are calling me back!

We're home from the beach! It was a great week and a much needed relaxation time for all of us. I'll post more tomorrow, but here's a preview of some of the fun!

On the road again...almost!

Well my bags are packed, the car is loaded and I'm ready to hit the road!! too bad I'm not leaving til after work tomorrow cause I'm so ready to go now!! We'll be gone til Saturday, so don't miss us too much - of course, we can't stand the thought of missing worship so we had to come back Saturday :)

I faced two of my obstacles this week - talking to my dad and emailing back the person that I've been angry with for 2 years. My dad sent me a text message on Thursday that said "Don't believe everything your brother says, he's not perfect you know. I love you unconditionally and wish you could to the same. Love, Dad" ugh! So, I called him after work and it was all small talk til he was about to get off the phone - without even bringing up what was the matter. So, I said, Dad, you know why we didn't come for the 4th right? and he said, no, but I don't want to know. I told him that we had to talk about it and not just act like nothing happened, he didn't like that but before i could explain myself, he proceeds to defend himself and well it wasn't pretty for a few minutes. He tried to tell me that he hadn't had a drink in 3 months and I told him that I didn't believe him because he'd called me drunk in that time frame. He kept saying that I was being judgmental. I told him many times that I did not agree with the drinking and that I wish that he would quit so we could actually build a relationship that we've never really had. He wasn't real happy with me, but I told him that I love him but I just don't like what he does. We ended on a good note and I'm really glad things got out in the open. I'm not going to go into the psychology on all of it but I really wish things would be different and I could actually have that father/daughter relationship that I hear other girls talk about and don't have a clue what it's like. I'm really glad we talked though and it's over with. I really couldn't have done it without God's grace, cause I really wanted to say things that I shouldnt have and I know God was holding my tongue! :P

Well, besides that - I had a really really good weekend! I went to a shower on Saturday for my friend, Carol's boyfriend's sister who's getting married in September. (she's my friend too! :) )

and in T-minus 17 hours I'll be here....

and then.....I'll have dinner with one of my best friends, Christy Cantrell Purvis (I still haven't gotten used to her married name and it's been 2 years!) and possibly her hubby Ryan.

Then....an hour and a half later I'll be seeing this....

Man, I can't wait to bury my toes in the sand!!

Don't worry...I have plenty of sunscreen for this trip! :)