My Daddy

As I sit here, my heart is completely burdened and hurting. I got a phone call about 7 tonight and didn't answer, only to find out that my brother received the same phone call not too long after me. and answered. It was our dad. It's not often that I talk about him, mainly because it's just not worth the effort but this time I think it's inevitable. See, our dad is an alcoholic. Has been since before we were born probably. It's the reason that my mom left my dad when I was 3.

Tonight, was no different than any other night - I just wasn't the one who talked to him. I get so aggravated with him and don't understand this addiction and why he doesn't want to change. He won't own up to the fact that he's drunk when he calls and I just have no patience for him. I worry so much that if I say something about it to him when he's drinking (or any time for that matter) that he'll end up doing something really stupid and I can't feel at peace about things.

As I was sitting here worrying about it all, I got to thinking about my heavenly father - my one true Daddy. I am so thankful that he can take the burden for me. I kept hearing his words running through my head saying "I AM SOVEREIGN, I AM SOVEREIGN, I AM SOVEREIGN!" I don't doubt for one minute that God is in control of everything and that no matter what happens it's part of his plan, even if we don't understand it. I can no longer hold on to the burden of my earthly father, but give it up completely to my heavenly father. I'm also reminded of his unconditional love for us. We fail God and disappoint Him so many times, but He is always there with unconditional love waiting for us to come running back into his arms. I've never really understood why I care so much about my dad, because he hasn't exactly been a great role model and I'm not close to him at all. I guess God's just showing me how to be like Him because I still love my dad and care about him and want the best for him, no matter how many times he disappoints me. I am so thankful to have a Real Father to look up to when my earthly father fails me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Walk this way!

I'm reading this new book, "Bad Girls of the Bible" and at first it was just the title that drew me to it cause it seemed kinda scandalous (ok forgive me for being human!). Well, I can't believe how much I can relate to what the author wrote about these girls. I don't mean in like a "bad girl" sense, but just what we can learn from them.

The first girl mentioned was of course Eve, which I knew all about, but the second one I read tonight and it was Lot's wife, which I wasn't real familiar with. You know, she's the woman who turned to salt. It's weird because the Bible doesn't tell what she's like or even records anything that she ever said. The Lord sent an angel to find 10 people in Sodom who were worth saving because Abram asked God to save them. So, the angels pretty much force Lot and his wife and daughters out of Sodom before God burns the town down. Well, while they're heading out of the town, the angels tell them - don't stop and don't look back! For whatever reason, Lot's wife looks back and is turned into a pillar of salt. The author writes about 10 speculations about why she looks back such as - she heard something and turned to see what it was, she didn't believe it was really gonna happen, she was so attached to her possessions that she couldn't bear to see them be burned...but for whatever reason, she still disobeyed and turned around.

I think about my own life and how many times I am on the brink of freedom and getting things right with God and He clearly tells me not to do something, but I do it anyways. Do I not believe in his word or do I not trust that he knows what's best for me? Why does God not do the same thing to me that He did to Lot's wife, b/c I sure know I deserve it just as much as she did.

I know why, because Jesus takes the wrath for my sin. When I turn around, he's standing right there in front of me blocking me from the heat of the flames and turning me back in the other direction towards safety. What an awesome savior!

One of the coolest things I've learned at New City this year is that the Old testament is all about Jesus. In Luke 17:30-32 reminds us that Jesus is coming when we least expect him. So, don't go back in your house to get your things , drop everything and go and Remember Lot's wife!

"The Lord's message, then and now, is the same one the angels delivered: "Don't look back. Take my hand and walk with me to safety."

Calm my anxious heart!

My computer's been down for the past week, so I haven't been able to get on here in a while. Plus, things have been absolutely chaotic in our family. My brother, Michael's baby was born last week. I can't wait to meet her. She is absolutely adorable! Her name is Adriana Grace.
For a total 180 - my great aunt passed away this past week. I didn't know her really, but I know how hard it was for my granddad and I just hurt for him. I think it's a realization that he's getting older and his family is too. He and his younger brother are the oldest immediate relatives now.
Also, I'm kinda house hunting right now. I'm not sure if it's going to be feasible, but my granddad is helping me with all the numbers and we're going to look at some townhouses tomorrow that I really like. I really feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to take the next step. I'm 25 and still living at home - It's just time to move out. (nothing against my parents, they're great!) I just need some independence.

Saturday, I went to Barnes and Nobles to find a new book to read, since I finished all of my Phillipa Gregory series. Well, my pastor, Keith, had mentioned a book by J.I. Packer, Knowing God, so I looked for it and they didn't have it. So, then I remembered some authors he'd mentioned during talks and sermons and whatnot that I wasn't familiar with like Mark Driscoll and Timothy Keller. I found some books by them, but either they were too pricey or just wasn't what I was looking for. I think I'll order something online, but for now I chose "Bad Girls of the Bible and what we can learn from them" ok, so cheesy book at first thought, but I'm really enjoying it. I'll post more about it later - it'll be lengthy!

Sinus meds are about to kick in, so i'm heading to bed!

I'm clinging to this verse this week:
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Phil. 4:6

I'm back...and random

Alright, I think I'm gonna try again at this blogging thing! I figured out that you can downlaod new backgrounds, so whatcha think??

so...I'm very random if you didn't already know that! you'll see...lol!

Things have been a bit crazy for me this past week - VBS, work issues, family issues...I'm so ready for the weekend! Thank goodness we get out of work at 1:00 on Fridays now and I've already printed the bulletin -hooray!! :) I think my coworker, Meagan, and I are gonna grab lunch and a movie tomorrow (Kung Fu Panda! yeah, we're kids).

By the way, this blogging thing may end up being a bragging board about my nephew, Caleb! hehe I love that boy! Here's a pic of him at his child covenant service on Mother's day.

So, also I'm gonna start getting serious about moving out and I'm starting to look at some townhomes for rent. It's great having some goals in place :)

Another goal - start walking next week! There's a park almost across the street from my house and I just found out this week that there's a walking trail there. So, that'll be much better than walking on the side walk of a 5 lane road.

Alrighty, I'll update soon - more interesting info to come, I hope!