As I sit here, my heart is completely burdened and hurting. I got a phone call about 7 tonight and didn't answer, only to find out that my brother received the same phone call not too long after me. and answered. It was our dad. It's not often that I talk about him, mainly because it's just not worth the effort but this time I think it's inevitable. See, our dad is an alcoholic. Has been since before we were born probably. It's the reason that my mom left my dad when I was 3.
Tonight, was no different than any other night - I just wasn't the one who talked to him. I get so aggravated with him and don't understand this addiction and why he doesn't want to change. He won't own up to the fact that he's drunk when he calls and I just have no patience for him. I worry so much that if I say something about it to him when he's drinking (or any time for that matter) that he'll end up doing something really stupid and I can't feel at peace about things.
As I was sitting here worrying about it all, I got to thinking about my heavenly father - my one true Daddy. I am so thankful that he can take the burden for me. I kept hearing his words running through my head saying "I AM SOVEREIGN, I AM SOVEREIGN, I AM SOVEREIGN!" I don't doubt for one minute that God is in control of everything and that no matter what happens it's part of his plan, even if we don't understand it. I can no longer hold on to the burden of my earthly father, but give it up completely to my heavenly father. I'm also reminded of his unconditional love for us. We fail God and disappoint Him so many times, but He is always there with unconditional love waiting for us to come running back into his arms. I've never really understood why I care so much about my dad, because he hasn't exactly been a great role model and I'm not close to him at all. I guess God's just showing me how to be like Him because I still love my dad and care about him and want the best for him, no matter how many times he disappoints me. I am so thankful to have a Real Father to look up to when my earthly father fails me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
2 comments:
Carley,
You dance on the edge of the gospel lived out in your daughter / dad relationship. You and I are ignorant children who too often don't see our faults and failings as God, our Father watches, and urges us to come to Him. The Good news is that He has been patient. The Good News is that He continued to love and to seek and to pursue. He forgave us when we didn't "deserve" to be forgiven and he continues to. I pray that you and I might come to BE the gospel of Jesus in those relationships. Praying for you.
Thank you, Keith. It's good to hear reassurance and I pray that WE can be the gospel of Jesus in those relationships, as well. It's not easy, but God never said it would be...Thanks for being there for us.
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